Pawsicles

Before venturing into the snow, la Princesse instructs the peasant that the trip will be brief and without recreational pursuits.

The peasant begs.

He would like to romp.

He would like to frisk and hop.

He would like to make snow angels.

But la Princesse is firm.

There will be NO running.

NO playing.

And definitely NO FUN. This is a business trip.

Of course, la Princesse’s mind is easily changed.

Soon her enthusiasm outgrows that of the peasant.

In fact, if anything, the peasant seems to lose interest in the winter world.

La Princesse feverishly tries to involve him in the festivities once more!

But something is wrong.

The peasant claims to have lost the use of his feet!

La Princesse reassures him that the very thought is ridiculous.

After all, she feels fine!

When his complaints persist, la Princesse informs the peasant that they must return to the Rental Palace so the handmaiden can offer assistance.

She will lead the charge!

The peasant must follow! Quickly!

La Princesse nears the home stretch! She can see the door!

Help is near, peasant! Never fear! Peasant?

Peasant…?

Epilogue:

Disgusted by the peasant’s lack of motivation, la Princesse abandoned him to die on the tundra and went to recline on her royal cushion.

After an extended paw massage by the handmaiden, the peasant eventually regained comfortable feeling in his paws and stopped shrieking and attempting to limp on all four paws at once.

Total time in the snow: 3.5 minutes.

Government by la Princesse, for la Princesse

Sometimes it is not enough to simply be a princess.  If one is not careful to remind the lower classes of one’s rights, they will simply run riot.

For example, here we see that the peasant has taken the best cushion, which is also beside the source of all household warmth.

La Princesse endeavors to resolve the crisis through diplomacy. She very politely makes her ownership of the cushion known by reclining across just a teensy corner…and the peasant’s leg.

The peasant immediately receives the message. He moves to vacate. The handmaiden offers her support, encouraging the peasant to stand up for democracy, freedom, and his right to property.

Fearing la Princesse’s vengeance, the peasant moves to flee. He isn’t much of a freedom fighter. Also, he keenly recalls that the reason this new cushion exists is because of the blood stains he left on the previous cushion after la Princesse demonstrated her playful affection for him. He does not wish to see what her displeasure looks like.

La Princesse is not terribly surprised at this outcome. She knew the peasant would regain his senses before she resorted to…other methods of persuasion.

To show her thanks for this peaceable conclusion, she demonstrates how comfortable she finds the cushion, and how long she intends to use it, by giving it a nice fluff right in front of the peasant.

It’s only right to remind him that such possessions are not for the commoners.

As la Princesse takes what is rightfully hers (a nap), the peasant meditates on Divine Right and swears never to usurp her position again.

Once he has his own cushion of equal or greater size, of course.

Boys, Boys, Boys

Like many ladies of high station, la Princesse enjoys the company of  gentlemen friends.  They provide a refreshing counterpoint to female companionship, for even in her species, the two sexes may be equal but are very different.

For instance…

Boys have a spirited, uncomplicated sense of fun, even if it is slightly immature.

The concept of recreational shopping is completely lost on them…

…but they do understand that half the fun of dining out is seeing what everyone else orders.

Boys tend to love the outdoors, especially gardening.  Here you can see Mach pursuing his twin hobbies of soil aerating and weeding.

On the other hand, sometimes even canine boys have a tough time admitting they need to ask directions.

"Wait, aren't we going this way? Guys?"

Of course, because of her elegance, fame, and station, la Princesse attracts her share of admirers.

Sometimes a gentle word is all she needs to turn an unwanted suitor aside. Sometimes…

…she is forced to use slightly less gentle words.

Boys have noses for the best sort of trouble.  Here you find Savvy uncovering excitement.

They know how to have fun…

…and how to relax.

Of course, when it comes to securing the attentions of the stronger sex, you may have to put forth effort. Sometimes you must travel long distances to find them.

We traveled 19 hours for this moment.

Sometimes, you must show off to impress them.

What the gentle reader cannot see is the handsome Golden Retriever who is watching la Princesse from the sidelines.

But at the end of the day…

…even for a princess, home is still where the heart is.

Everything We Need to Know About Life, We Learned From Inca

As previously stated, on our recent journey to South Carolina, la Princesse met several of her royal cousins. She immediately recognized that her cousins know how to lead a stylish and hound-appropriate life and have much wisdom to impart. In this post, we will share a few pointers from the ever-so-dainty Siendo’s Inca, speed demon extraordinaire.

Rule #1. Hold yourself apart from the riffraff.

One's own company is preferable to the society of hooligans.

Rule #2. Choose the largest available ally in any fight.

Here Inca teams with Savvy to eliminate the competition.

Rule #3. A surprise attack often brings victory.

Inca demonstrates a come-from-behind strategy.

Rule #4. Treat guests graciously. Reserve your contempt for those who live with you.

Inca allows la Princess to drink first.

Rule #5. Sometimes one must point out the obvious. Others may be slow.

Inca indicates a point of interest.

Rule #6. Always listen carefully to your friends.

Inca and la Princesse share a tete-a-tete.

Rule #7. Do as your mom asks.

Inca with owner-handler Desiree Beauchamp-Jones.

Rule #8. Always keep others’ secrets.

Kioni keeps her voice down.

Rule #9. Stand up for yourself, even if your opponent is much bigger than you are.

Inca tells Kioni how it is.

Rule #10. She who will lead will be she who has speed.

La Princesse tries to gain ground on Inca.

Rule # 11. Dine out when possible.

Inca offers to share dessert.

Rule #12. Road trips with the girls are one of life’s great pleasures!

Inca chills in the Houndmobile with Kioni and la Princesse.

Rule #13. Always be flexible.

Inca does her yoga.

Rule #14. Life’s short. See the world with your friends.

Kioni, Inca, and la Princesse take in a river view in downtown Greenville.

Kioni

Recently la Princesse had the opportunity to travel out of state for the first time. While we saw many sights and made many new friends, the most important part of the trip was paying homage to la Princesse’s royal cousins. Most significantly, la Princesse finally came nose-to-nose with her noble pen pal: the African goddess, the queen of the savannah, Intrigue’s Lava Girl. She has many names, but la Princesse is privileged to call her by her given name, Kioni. Oh, and there’s another word la Princesse calls her…

Huge!

Luckily, The Great Cousin is not only impressive in physiognomy, she is benevolent in her reception of foreign diplomats. She was even kind enough to demonstrate the purpose of long ears for la Princesse, who had never seen such majestic flappage before.

Note la Princesse’s expression of amazement and slight envy.

La Princesse’s ancestors became fleet and light chasing hare across the sands of northern Africa. The Great Cousin is also of African descent, but her family hunt a slightly larger prey.

That’s right. While African lions are not native to her current hunting grounds, The Great Cousin stays in practice, just in case.

This lion won’t mess with her!

Displaying her generous nature, The Great Cousin quickly took la Princesse on a tour of her royal hunting grounds. Initially, la Princesse felt some anxiety at the idea of separating from the handmaiden. Who would serve her out in the wild?

But, life is to be lived.

Luckily, the wild turned out to be self-service.

La Princesse found her cousin immensely talented and stylish. Here, The Great Cousin demonstrates her opera voice with the assistance of one of the lesser cousins.

Here, she demonstrates how to apply Deep South clay as a cosmetic.

This application provides a lovely pink glow for hours.

The Great Cousin is a stylish dresser.

The camera loves her.

Best of all, she is as fast as la Princesse!

She is quite possibly faster than light…

She also understands how incredibly tragic and desolate life can be when a royal hound is bored.

We understand, too.

And we miss Kioni.

Apathy

Huh. There’s a mess in the living room.

Well, we didn’t do it. Nope.

He did it.

He laughed about it.

We didn’t do this, either.

She did it.

She said you had it coming.

Nope, we didn’t do it.

Actually, we didn’t do anything. At all. We just watched.

Aren’t we good?

Slumming with The Brother

Here we find our heroine in her element, chauffeured about town by the valet.

Like every lady, occasionally la Princesse prefers to dine out.  She enjoys the ambiance and decadence of the finest eating establishments.  Her refined palette requires diverse and expensive cuisine.

Then we have The Brother.

Sadly, The Brother does not possess the social ability to grace a fine eatery.  He needs somewhere that can cater to his tastes, his interests, his desire for tiny plastic toys.  Most of all, he needs a place that will give us the food without requiring la Princesse to make a public appearance with him.  The paparazzi would never let it go.

Therefore, we grace that most American of establishments, the “drive-thru.”

La Princesse places her order.

The Brother considers the menu.

Then, The Brother gets somewhat….excited.

Fortunately, the valet is unharmed.

Sigh. Sometimes la Princesse wonders…

With all this hassle, is it better to settle for kibble and a quiet afternoon at home?

The Home Scientist

La Princesse knows that the dark, cold days of winter can leave one feeling glum and frustrated. Luckily, she has the perfect solution to the winter boredom blues: home science experiments!

You can make non-Newtonian fluid.

You can even make your own volcano.

Or you could dissect a frog.

First, you must select a specimen.

Sometimes the formaldehyde makes the specimen a little whiffy.

Oof! Even the peasant cannot abide the smell.

Now, make the first incision. If you are not blessed with 1-inch canine teeth, you may use a seam ripper. Scalpel! We meant scalpel.

The formaldehyde is quite strongly scented when one is not accustomed to it. La Princesse feels a bit…

…woozy.  In fact, she thinks she may swoon.

Someone fetch the smelling salts!

In the meantime, The Brother takes over with assistance from the valet. The Brother is not allowed to perform complex procedures without supervision.

Perhaps The Brother’s strong stomach and masculine sensibilities will enable him to complete the experiment.

Then again, perhaps not.

Having recovered and collected herself, La Princesse is able to continue the dissection. She permits The Brother and the valet to look on as she finally extracts the beast’s heart.

See how excited they are at this discovery! They are clearly budding scientists themselves! Perhaps we might form a convocation of minds! A triumvirate of curious souls, hungry for knowledge, hungry for discovery… Wait a moment… Look!

Gasp! They are not hungry for science! They are just hungry!

La Princesse has a stern word with the valet.

"Bad human! No frog! You can has cheeseburger."

Left to continue alone, la Princesse gets back to business.

Here we see her extracting the respiratory tract.

At least, we think it is the respiratory tract.

Here comes the small intestine!

Actually, it might be a kidney. We are stymied. Who knew the interior of a frog would be so fuzzy? It looks nothing like the textbook diagrams.

After completion of the experiment, la Princesse and the peasant discuss the implications and compare data.

We’ve all learned so much together! Now, one more task remains…

"Yoohoo! Handmaid!"

Cleanup on Aisle Four.

A Walk in the Park

When the weather is pleasant, la Princesse likes to take her exercise in the local nature park.  She finds it helps her clear her mind and be at one with nature.  Just look how serene and beautiful nature can be…

Wait.  This shot is nice, but something is missing…

That’s better.  As we were saying, sometimes la Princesse just likes to be still and meditate on the tranquility of nature.

Ahhh.

Okay, enough Zen already.  We have places to be!

First, we must examine the local flora.

Then we must find an antihistamine tablet for Nefret’s allergic reaction.

Wash the tablet down with water…

Wait!  What?  La Princesse was not drinking muddy water from the footpath!  Slander!  La Princesse prefers Evian.  Dasani if she absolutely must. 

Not everything in the park is peaceful and innocent.  For example…

This tree is clearly haunted.  How do we know?  For one thing, it looks scary.  For another…

GHOSTS!

Blair Witch?  Is that you?

But for the most part, the park is a safe place for exercise, reflection…and amazing head shots.

Are you ready for this?

Quasi-random fact: La Princesse’s name is Egyptian for “pretty girl.”

But even the most fulfilling journeys must end.  Goodbye, favorite park!

See you next time.

Toilette de Princesse

They say that into every life, a little rain must fall.  Lately, a little rain has fallen into the life of la Princesse Nefret.

Actually, quite a lot of rain has fallen.  Also, several inches of snow have fallen.  And then?  It rained.

Into every life, a little mud must fall.

Obviously, no princess can be viewed by her public if she is begrimed.  Instead, she must endure the hardship of bathing.  We understand that many other royal hounds have onsite bathing facilities.  We envy them this fortunate circumstance, as plumbing in the rental palace does not permit such luxury for la Princesse.

Our toilette began with a knock at the door. 

The visitor revealed himself to be one of la Princesse’s favorite people: Man Who Does Not Live In Rental Palace, so named because he is the only one of la Princesse’s servants who does not dwell with her.  He is permitted to maintain his own domicile.  In this instance, he joined us for photojournalistic and stylistic purposes.

First, la Princesse is rinsed with clean water.  Hmm.  Somehow, la Princesse expected this step to be more enjoyable.

Next, the handmaid applies a small amount of scented shampoo and lathers…

And lathers…

And lathers.

La Princesse is becoming annoyed.  La Princesse is wet.  She is cold.  And the shampoo smells like boysenberry.  La Princesse is not sure what a boysenberry is, but she is positive she does not wish to smell like one.  Why do we not have rose-petal-and-gold-leaf scented shampoo instead?  The handmaid is miserly with the beauty budget.  La Princesse admonishes her with a stern look.

The handmaid retaliates by returning to the rinse cycle.  La Princesse is not amused.  In fact, she is queasy and vexed.

Next, since the night air is chilly, the handmaid gently blowdries la Princesse’s coat.  Well…gentle may be the wrong adjective…

La Princesse is not amused.  In fact, like it or not, la Princesse is out of here!

Of course, we cannot show how dirty la Princesse Nefret was.  The Brother would never let us forget it. Let us just say…

…The bath was necessary.

La Princesse’s cleanliness was made possible in part by Perfect Coat’s Black Pearl shampoo.

What are you laughin’ at, poodle?  Get a real haircut.